Expectations

I've come to a realization lately.  More often than not, it's not the real idiots of this world that annoy me, it's my close friends and family.  It's the people that I have been close to and grown with and come to have certain expectations of that usually cause me consternation.  You see, once I have an expectation of how they will live or conduct themselves in a given situation, then I can be let down when they don't live up to it.

I've come to a second realization, this is probably more my problem than it is theirs.  I would say that I don't expect anyone to be perfect, by any means, but when I'm close to them and they mess up I at least want to hear an apology or for them to help me understand why they acted a certain way.  When they don't, I get pretty hurt and upset.  But. . .do I have the right to feel this way?

I think of the One I try to follow, Jesus, and how He related to people.  I know it's cliche, but out of His 12 closest friends, all were continuous "failures" and one got Him killed.  I wonder if Jesus felt like a whipping boy at times?  Did He just accept it knowing that if those 12 really cared, they would eventually see the error of their ways and change?  Sometimes He corrected them, but other times He did nothing.

I wonder if, in trying to live like Jesus, we are supposed to just take the "wrongs" sometimes and acknowledge the fact that it is God's job to change a person's heart, not ours.  This is such a hard thing to do, I'm not sure how good I can be at that.  I'm sure I will "fail" many times myself, but I hope the people I love and care about have the patience to deal with me as I try to deal with them. . .

My new Diet

Yeah, so, I'm actually starting a diet that I have to pay for, and use their "food".  I've tried so many different things in my life, but I can't seem to conquer the beast.  I go back and forth telling myself that I'm too weak to do it on my own, and that if I just had more willpower I might do better, then on the other hand sometimes we all need some help.

To be honest, it makes me feel weak to need help.  I'm usually the one who helps others, I'm usually the strong one, I'm the one who overcomes and succeeds.  Guess not this time.  So, pray for me!  Maybe that will help me stay strong and follow through.  I hate feeling like I'm not "enough".  I'm sure this feeling translates to different areas of life for different people (like ALL of us), but I hope to make it this time.  

Not a great blog, just some insight into me. . .

Caribou Community

So, I'm sitting in Caribou Coffee waiting to start a meeting, and none of the other guys are here yet.  For those of you who hate big chain stores, sorry, I didn't choose the place!  I've never been to this particular place, and it's very nice.  I remember coming here when it was a Burger King a long time ago. . .

I'm sitting here, kinda people watching, and I notice that in a room full of people, some are completely isolated, and some are completely engrossed in what I would call authentic community.  There are the people obsessed with their computers (apparently I'm part of that at the moment!), and there are friends talking over coffee and breakfast food.  Of course, there is also that annoying lady who talks way too loud and everyone wishes would leave!  There are nice comfortable chairs, and then there are the wooden chairs around too small tables.  It has a very earthy feel, and it makes me think of a family on vacation in a lodge in the Colorado Rockies.

I can't help but think this is like our families, and even like our simple church communities filled with different personalities, some loud some quiet, some social and some private.  I'm pretty sure I'm the one who talks too much (and sometimes too loudly).  In the end, though, we fit together.  We work.  We live in a beautiful blend of mess and differences and it feels like community.  I sure hope you have a community to be part of.  If you don't, feel free to check out this website, it's part of a group of simple churches that I am part of.  It feels so great to be part of something that matters, and I pray that you have that too.

Should a Christian Live in the Dark and Disorder?

I've been reading a book called, "I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt", and it's great.  There are a couple thoughts in the book that lead me to this post.

1.  "If all a Christian has to do is stay on the straight and narrow path of obedience by doing right and not doing wrong, does it really matter if Jesus is out in front or not?"  This quote from the book has really triggered a lot of thoughts for me.  How many people are doing exactly what they are "supposed" to do, yet aren't following Jesus at all?  So much of what I see in the church today is about following the rules, fitting in, and being good.  Basically, all about behavior modification.  But where's Jesus in that?  What about the person who knows they hear Jesus telling them to go into a strip club and they end up ministering to a girl (it has really happened)?  We all know you shouldn't do that, but I'm sure glad they did.  

Jesus came to the dark and disordered part of society to do His work, so why would his "prophets" today be telling us to avoid those places?  Jesus didn't go to those places to leave them dark and disordered, he brought light and order and beauty to where there was none.  Isn't this our job, too?

I also read a thought in this book that basically translates that Jesus's primary concern isn't getting you to stop sinning, it's to get you to experience His love.  The sin will probably fall away, but it isn't His focus.  I agree with this.  How many fathers' primary concern is when their kids mess up vs. making sure they know they are loved?  How much more from our heavenly Father?

I hope we are listening to Jesus, and I hope we aren't afraid to follow Him to the dark and disordered places in this world.  It's where He would have been (read that as where He is), and it's where He wants us to bring His love.